Choose Again

“Continue to pay close attention to where you’re blocking miracles, and choose again.” I wrote this quote (definitely a Gaby Bernstein quote, from what I assume is The Universe Has Your Back, which I was reading around that time) in a recent journal entry between 01/14/23 and 01/25/23, within 1-2 weeks of my 34th birthday. At the time I was feeling grateful for a bout of recent miracles: a last-minute ski trip over New Years, nearing the completion of my first round of egg freezing. I even wrote “every [hormone] shot is a tiny miracle!”

Reading this back now, I think there are actually two components to the concept of blocking miracles. There’s my first interpretation, which implies paying attention to where you’re not recognizing tiny miracles happening right in front of you. (To be honest, this concept feels like the more complex interpretation, so good for almost-34-year-old me.) The genre of advice to the tune of marvel at the random flower you see walking by, appreciate the stranger who holds the door for you at the coffee shop, the miracle of the plethora of streaming services at your fingertips. (This last example puts me at risk of veering into territory of Alec Baldwin’s guest role as Phoebe’s date on Friends where he annoys the group by obsessively appreciating everything, calling the Long Island Expressway a "concrete miracle.")

But the other interpretation, the one I think of now when I read this back, is the ability to recognize when you are holding your mind hostage from allowing you to invite something different into your life (okay this one is more complex then I thought.) And we’ve already proven that anything we invite into our lives can be a tiny miracle. Does this make any fucking sense? Let’s talk through an example. Recently, as a single person, I had the thought that I absolutely hate navigating the nebulous world of dating apps. I actually enjoy dating (I’m a 7 on the enneagram) but have to basically force myself to open those apps (and don’t get me started on the versions that require 24 hours to reply — don’t the app creators realize nearly 20% of us are out here managing generalized anxiety, not to mention insanely busy schedules?) But playing that out, that resistance and annoyance that is causing me to stop in my tracks, is a place where I am blocking a miracle. Okay, are you buying any of this? Let’s keep going. The miracle isn’t to find someone on this app (although I think that is a well-documented example of a miracle), it’s that we are willing to feel all those shitty, hold-ourselves-back feelings, and fucking do it anyway. That is the miracle we are choosing. That we can choose (or not) again, and again, and again.

Sunshine Baby | Japanese House

Don’t worry about sounding professional. Sound like you. There are over 1.5 billion websites out there, but your story is what’s going to separate this one from the rest. If you read the words back and don’t hear your own voice in your head, that’s a good sign you still have more work to do.

Be clear, be confident and don’t overthink it. The beauty of your story is that it’s going to continue to evolve and your site can evolve with it. Your goal should be to make it feel right for right now. Later will take care of itself. It always does.